Here are a few simple rules on wine etiquette:

1. Determine the proper temperature- as a rule of thumb white should be chilled and red served at room temperature
2. Time the uncorking- just like your boys, wine needs to breathe
3. Decant the wine- in addition to looking rather sophisticated and a bit ostentatious; it helps clear out impurities
4. Pour the wine- duh, but there are subtleties that will distinguish an amateur from a wine connoisseur
5. Use the right glass- although enjoyable, drinking out of the bottle in front of others is not recommended

Here's the skinny on all the forks and knives, etc:

• It all starts with the dinner plate - dead center, 1 inch from the edge of the table
• forks on the left side
• knives on the right side...
• followed by the spoons (also on the right)
• desert fork and/or spoon above the plate facing opposite directions
• Wine/water glasses go to the right of the plate

Where do we keep all our chainsaws, Mom?
Calvin of Calvin and Hobbes

You don't need a special day to be nice to your parents. They got you to where you are today. Nothing makes you look more polished than showing appreciation where it is due.

"Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you."
Fran Lebowitz

Fear not -- cell phone jammers are here to save the day! Since cellphones need two frequencies to operate (one to talk and one to listen), cellphone jammers simply transmit a signal on one of the same frequencies as a cellphone. If the power level is right, the signals collide and cancel each other out. High-powered units can create a cell-phone free zone of as large as a football field. Units used by law enforcement can shut down service for a 1-5 mile radius.

There are even rumors that some hotel chains use cellphone jammers to encourage you to use their expensive in-house phone system. However this, in addition to ANY type of cellphone jamming is illegal! In the meantime, just keep your phone on vibrate and encourage others to do the same.

Every breath you take...
The Police

Bad breath is a big no-no, and there are many ways to prevent it. Halitosis, the technical term for bad breath, is caused by odor-producing bacteria that accumulate on the bits of food left in your mouth and produce sulfur compounds -- the same reason rotten eggs smell so bad.

So Scope may be the obvious answer, but any old mouthwash may actually make things worse because the alchol in mouthwash dries out your mouth (and some bacteria love that). Get one with an anti-septic and an ADA seal to be sure that the odor-causing bacteria are killed.

Then, be sure to brush for 2 minutes twice a day, including your tongue (where many of the bacteria thrive) -- and you've done pretty much everything you can.